I Think ...
I remember when I was a little girl I always approached people and friendships thinking that everyone liked me! I mean seriously how could anyone not like me or find it difficult to like me? I viewed myself through my little self focused lense how I hoped people would see me not even thinking that perhaps there was a differing reality. It was just a given ... that when I faced life head on I would become friends with all and everyone. Of course as one grows up you slowly realize that often times our slowly krept in differences and values seem to divide us rather than unite us. Wow ...one can sure see that reality play out in many facets of life! To this day that still makes me sad.
Many people in my life look at me as always strong, confident, bold and fearless. That is a perception and a partially true reality yet, in my heart I see and feel the very near reality of my fears ...timid heart...and desperate longings. I want to be able to face those things head on and not live in some disconnected land yet, I also realize more and more that in many ways im still that little girl filled with idealism and hope - even when all seems crushed bringing disappointment and heartache, I try and brush myself off and then move forward - perhaps a little more cautiously, hopefully not filled with disillusionment (let's face it many times have to fight that one off) -I choose to move forward.
I think that we can learn much by reflecting on our childhoods and how we were as little boys and girls cause in many ways this is the truest form and nature of our personality and life before the broken ways of humanity and opinion begin to influence us.
Even as I watched my twin 5 year old nephews play and interact this last week it caused me to reflect on some of my own personal childhood memories, contributing to who I am today in strength and all my weakness. I long to live life to the full, perhaps in some way I pray that I could regain some childhood innocence, freedom and simple faith. To believe in the goodness of life ... and belief in the human soul to find those places that are lifegiving.
What are those things that bring you life? May we be men and women who can face our personal reality ...push past the perceptions to really SEE HEAR FEEL allowing the life giving reality and grace of Jesus to touch all those places, even through the difficulties find triumph, strength, truth and wisdom!
**I just read the story today "The Velveteen Rabbit" for the first time. How timely and what a beautiful story -fitting for this post! Here is a quote and link to the complete story:
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."