Adventure ...
oh what a word with many a different definition depending on the person, season and or perhaps the time of day.
I have always considered myself to be a very adventurous person.
Nothing was too big of a challenge.
My parents always raised my brother and I to understand and know that we could get anything we put our mind to. That obstacles were the things that made us stronger to face the realities of growing up and encountering all that life has - face on. Individual dreams were the things that inspired and pulled to the gifts and calling of the individual self.
Even as a young girl, I was always tenatious sometimes to my detriment and yet always a lesson never went unlearned. Good, the bad and at times the ugly with appropriate consequences. Yet, I would never trade any of my experiences because I believe that strong character was being developed in the midst of it all.
The ability to make a decision. To have an opinion - a voice.
Funny enough, the hardest decisions I find to be made on a weekly basis are usually menu choices when going out for dinner and life decisions seem to be fairly clear and generally pointed obvious.
However, the word "adventure" these days seem to take on a new definition.
Since moving to LA I feel in some ways that my boldness and fierce "take the bull by the horns" has nearly depleted. My dreams and vision in many ways feel like a distant movie that I replay in my mind to almost cheer myself on ... "you can do it sheri, you can do it".
LA is a place of survival.
Survival seems to bleed into many places of my heart as of late.
Hmmm.... a very wise woman and good friend of mine once said to me that I had a strong gift to survive that I easily can move compartamentally from place to part in my life. I didn't always see that as a strength and yet, she made it clear to me one day long ago that it actually is a piece of how the Lord made me to be able to juggle different feelings, scenarios and dynamics all at the same time. Most times, I just want it all to bleed together fluidly - cause it usually feels that way internally.
For those of you who have seen the movie "Crash" it is a very accurate picture of this place that I now call home.
Survival
I definately want more than survival - I want to thrive!
"Adventure" these days has been about taking a step out and initiating a call or coffee with someone whom I don't know. Sometimes adventure has been about discovering a new freeway, a new "spot", some days it has just been about getting out of my house to go for a walk.
This word has taken on a whole new meaning to me and the scary thing about it is it hasn't felt very brave. Usually I, the risk taker will do something totally "out there" not caring what anyone thinks.
I allow the risk to define adventure with feeling flowing in step and yet, it seems like I have lost some of that ...
I love the feeling of endorphines and a little bit of fear to be close at hand. To feel out of control. Even bigger than that to know that I am just jumping with everything and all - knowing HE really will catch me and I am not alone cause HE is with me! What a great feeling! Because I usually push into it deeper, further and harder. However, lately I have been running away from it. It all feels very raw and in some ways scary.
I want to be brave again. I don't want vision and my dreams to be just a "I remember when story" ... I want it to be pulsing through my veins in the 'now' moment. I really want more brave days!
A PICTURE of me
I am a little girl in a massive mall who is totally lost. Looking frantically for the one who has brought her to this place. The mall usually is a familiar place of fun and frolic and yet now that she is abandoned it is a scary place ... lonely. It feels really big and completely unknown. Where is this one who has brought me to this place?? Why would he just leave me here? Why has this happened to me? Just moments ago it was normal and ok. The window dressings and attractions around me are no consolation and hold nothing for me like they usually do when I feel safe. I am running up and down the corridors -nothing feels familiar - as soon as I find him I will grab hold of his hand -I will be safe again to walk leisurely through this place that I have been brought to and experience all it has to offer.
This feels like a very vulnerable post for me and perhaps it is not so much about the words you are reading but, the weight in my heart right now that is propelling me to write this.
The good news for me in all of this is that ... Today has been a BRAVE DAY!
Here's to what tommorow holds ...
I have always considered myself to be a very adventurous person.
Nothing was too big of a challenge.
My parents always raised my brother and I to understand and know that we could get anything we put our mind to. That obstacles were the things that made us stronger to face the realities of growing up and encountering all that life has - face on. Individual dreams were the things that inspired and pulled to the gifts and calling of the individual self.
Even as a young girl, I was always tenatious sometimes to my detriment and yet always a lesson never went unlearned. Good, the bad and at times the ugly with appropriate consequences. Yet, I would never trade any of my experiences because I believe that strong character was being developed in the midst of it all.
The ability to make a decision. To have an opinion - a voice.
Funny enough, the hardest decisions I find to be made on a weekly basis are usually menu choices when going out for dinner and life decisions seem to be fairly clear and generally pointed obvious.
However, the word "adventure" these days seem to take on a new definition.
Since moving to LA I feel in some ways that my boldness and fierce "take the bull by the horns" has nearly depleted. My dreams and vision in many ways feel like a distant movie that I replay in my mind to almost cheer myself on ... "you can do it sheri, you can do it".
LA is a place of survival.
Survival seems to bleed into many places of my heart as of late.
Hmmm.... a very wise woman and good friend of mine once said to me that I had a strong gift to survive that I easily can move compartamentally from place to part in my life. I didn't always see that as a strength and yet, she made it clear to me one day long ago that it actually is a piece of how the Lord made me to be able to juggle different feelings, scenarios and dynamics all at the same time. Most times, I just want it all to bleed together fluidly - cause it usually feels that way internally.
For those of you who have seen the movie "Crash" it is a very accurate picture of this place that I now call home.
Survival
I definately want more than survival - I want to thrive!
"Adventure" these days has been about taking a step out and initiating a call or coffee with someone whom I don't know. Sometimes adventure has been about discovering a new freeway, a new "spot", some days it has just been about getting out of my house to go for a walk.
This word has taken on a whole new meaning to me and the scary thing about it is it hasn't felt very brave. Usually I, the risk taker will do something totally "out there" not caring what anyone thinks.
I allow the risk to define adventure with feeling flowing in step and yet, it seems like I have lost some of that ...
I love the feeling of endorphines and a little bit of fear to be close at hand. To feel out of control. Even bigger than that to know that I am just jumping with everything and all - knowing HE really will catch me and I am not alone cause HE is with me! What a great feeling! Because I usually push into it deeper, further and harder. However, lately I have been running away from it. It all feels very raw and in some ways scary.
I want to be brave again. I don't want vision and my dreams to be just a "I remember when story" ... I want it to be pulsing through my veins in the 'now' moment. I really want more brave days!
A PICTURE of me
I am a little girl in a massive mall who is totally lost. Looking frantically for the one who has brought her to this place. The mall usually is a familiar place of fun and frolic and yet now that she is abandoned it is a scary place ... lonely. It feels really big and completely unknown. Where is this one who has brought me to this place?? Why would he just leave me here? Why has this happened to me? Just moments ago it was normal and ok. The window dressings and attractions around me are no consolation and hold nothing for me like they usually do when I feel safe. I am running up and down the corridors -nothing feels familiar - as soon as I find him I will grab hold of his hand -I will be safe again to walk leisurely through this place that I have been brought to and experience all it has to offer.
This feels like a very vulnerable post for me and perhaps it is not so much about the words you are reading but, the weight in my heart right now that is propelling me to write this.
The good news for me in all of this is that ... Today has been a BRAVE DAY!
Here's to what tommorow holds ...
5 Comments:
Sheri, thanks for sharing, for being vulnerable. You can't know how much I needed to hear that someone else feels like this right now. I may not be the "grab the bull by the horns" type usually, but I can sure relate to the picture of the lost little girl at the moment. Praying for you in this. Lots of love, Lisa
i think more of us feel like this than we are willing to admit! i am impressed with your honesty, and I too thank you. I'll keep praying for you too. YOU rock the dog house Sheri! hehe
Hey Sheri,
I found your blog through Carlie's. I have been enjoying reading it, hope you don't mind, I sometimes feel voyeuristic. I was on Lindsay's LF team 1995-96. I'll be looking for you on Dr. Phil! You should post what color you were wearing.
Kerry Giesbrecht ( Hatt )
wwww.gieser.blogspot.com
Hmm...
Interesting post Sheri, thanks for sharing. I have seen Crash, and while it may depict the reality of L.A., it also seemed very melancholy and even hopeless to me.
And Sheri: you know that you're brave! Probably the most when you feel it the least... and other such cliches. ;)
Hey Friends ... Thanks for the encouragment -very kind.
Very true on the movie Matt ... It is sad the realitites without faith and hope in something that is bigger outside of ourself for sure.
I think that this is all apart of the journey for me right now and the wierd part about it -is it is ok. There is something far greater in this for me.
Thanks for being more than voyeurs friends. Your comments are valued!
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