American Thanksgiving
Today is American Thanksgiving. WOW. Do they celebrate it down here ... as big as Christmas, for some -they tell me- even bigger. There was a whole gang of Basileia posse over at the Ruis' tonight for a feast of a lifetime. Seriously... good thing I just joined the YMCA up the street.
I have a whole bunch of stuff in my heart as of late and have no clue where to begin. Still processing. Yes, for those of you who don't know me well, I am a processor and feel things very deeply (this is my sensory/tactile side) so-as much as most of you know me as the extrovert self that I usually am. There are many days that I just need to be able to walk some things through from my heart with the Lord.
Tonight is one of those nights.
I don't really have anyone to do that with in the flesh - who really just 'get me', the way I think, the way I feel, without having to explain or at times over explain. Many days I just feel very alone yet, I also believe it is a place that the Lord has created in me and for Him, that only He and I can go to. Much of it -will never hit this site, as much as I would love for it, cathartic and all. That to me is still the scary part of this whole blog concept. The unsafe part.
Sometimes I wish that i didn't "feel" as much as I do. I have always been that way since childhood. The slightest word to the loudest statement. A look to an unresponsive nudge. I wonder why do I need to "see" and "feel" all these things...
Something feels unsafe right now.
Yesterday, I wrote in my journal that "I feel surrounded by partial/ conditional embraces, which are so contrary to the Father who holds His arms wide open as far as the east is from the west. To embrace us as His son, His daughter, with an unconditional embrace."
'Say the right thing', 'Have the right look', 'Offer the right gift.' 'Just BE the right person.'
"A partial embrace appears like the real thing until you are wrapped in it. Yet quickly, feel the coldness, the empty promises with no commitment contaminating the voice of the one who is there as the giver and receiver."
My heart is longing to find myself constant in the unconditional embrace.
Father, my heart longing is to be one who embraces like You. Willing to go to the dark places, hear the pain, walk out life together. Free of all the conditional stipulations subtly or blatantly we put on one another. Truly desiring to understand the meta narrative of the different ones whose face I look into each day. Growing in love, understanding, mercy, patience, kindness. Slow to speak and quick to really listen.
:A few quotes that have captured my attention as of late:
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"
(Martin Luther King Jr. a letter from a Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963)
"Community is an alibie for a failure of individual love"-Leonard Cohen
"Comprehension is not a precursor to obedience"-Film 'The Matrix'
"True Freedom is whom or what you choose to be enslaved to"
"Those who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those who are doing it"
"We judge ourselves by our intentions and yet we judge others by their actions"
"I'd like to live like a poor man with lots of money"
-Pablo Picasso
"A little bit of evil for the greater good is still evil"
-Sheri McConnell
I have a whole bunch of stuff in my heart as of late and have no clue where to begin. Still processing. Yes, for those of you who don't know me well, I am a processor and feel things very deeply (this is my sensory/tactile side) so-as much as most of you know me as the extrovert self that I usually am. There are many days that I just need to be able to walk some things through from my heart with the Lord.
Tonight is one of those nights.
I don't really have anyone to do that with in the flesh - who really just 'get me', the way I think, the way I feel, without having to explain or at times over explain. Many days I just feel very alone yet, I also believe it is a place that the Lord has created in me and for Him, that only He and I can go to. Much of it -will never hit this site, as much as I would love for it, cathartic and all. That to me is still the scary part of this whole blog concept. The unsafe part.
Sometimes I wish that i didn't "feel" as much as I do. I have always been that way since childhood. The slightest word to the loudest statement. A look to an unresponsive nudge. I wonder why do I need to "see" and "feel" all these things...
Something feels unsafe right now.
Yesterday, I wrote in my journal that "I feel surrounded by partial/ conditional embraces, which are so contrary to the Father who holds His arms wide open as far as the east is from the west. To embrace us as His son, His daughter, with an unconditional embrace."
'Say the right thing', 'Have the right look', 'Offer the right gift.' 'Just BE the right person.'
"A partial embrace appears like the real thing until you are wrapped in it. Yet quickly, feel the coldness, the empty promises with no commitment contaminating the voice of the one who is there as the giver and receiver."
My heart is longing to find myself constant in the unconditional embrace.
Father, my heart longing is to be one who embraces like You. Willing to go to the dark places, hear the pain, walk out life together. Free of all the conditional stipulations subtly or blatantly we put on one another. Truly desiring to understand the meta narrative of the different ones whose face I look into each day. Growing in love, understanding, mercy, patience, kindness. Slow to speak and quick to really listen.
:A few quotes that have captured my attention as of late:
"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere"
(Martin Luther King Jr. a letter from a Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963)
"Community is an alibie for a failure of individual love"-Leonard Cohen
"Comprehension is not a precursor to obedience"-Film 'The Matrix'
"True Freedom is whom or what you choose to be enslaved to"
"Those who say it can't be done shouldn't interrupt those who are doing it"
"We judge ourselves by our intentions and yet we judge others by their actions"
"I'd like to live like a poor man with lots of money"
-Pablo Picasso
"A little bit of evil for the greater good is still evil"
-Sheri McConnell
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